Eden's Homecoming

Now that Eden is officially "in the air" I can post about her arrival to the airport.  We have had a few ask what we were planning for her arrival.  UMMM, well, we plan to be there, as a family, to greet her!!  Our primary concern is to keep things as comfortable as possible for her while she is transitioning to all her new surroundings.  EVERYTHING will be different for her!  I am glad that I can say that with a bit of understanding because of our trip in June to Ethiopia!! 
However, we are not opposed to those of you that are close and wish to see her arrival at the airport, being there.  The best is if anyone who wishes to go to the airport on Thursday (she is supposed to arrive around 7:23pm) be sensitive to Eden and our family's wishes.  I think our friends are VERY good about that and therefor, I don't see any problems with a welcome crew.  After all, each one of your support (whether you can be there or not) is felt and much appreciated!!!  We would ask that as far as personal introductions, you would wait for another time.  There will be a better time for that!!  No gifts, either, please!!  If anyone wants to send Eden a gift that would be fine.

As you all probably can imagine, our family has had a lot to talk about with Eden's arrival in our home.  From the oldest (making comments about the adoption being like writing on the chalkboard in the rain) to the youngest (saying she will give Eden a big hug and kiss because she is her sister! when she sees her) there has been a lot of talk.  We have talked about much of this before, but it is good to make sure our family is "on the same page" about Eden's transitions / adjustments / bonding in our home.  This decision to adopt Eden (and Bereket) into our home was not a responsibility that was / is taken lightly.  We are committed to doing what we believe is best to help them thrive.  It will take a lot of work on our part and understanding and cooperation from everyone around us.  I want to share some thoughts and information and help everyone to help us in laying a strong and healthy emotional foundation for both Eden and Bereket.


FORMING ATTACHMENT:
Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time.  In normal parent/child relationship, when a child communicates a physical or emotional need, a parent meets the need and soothes the child.  This attachment cycle repeats over and over again, creating a trusting and secure relationship between the child and her parents.  By God's design, a foundation of attachment is laid in the tiniest of babies that will profoundly  impact their behavior, learning, emotions, relationships, and values for the rest of their lives.

INTERRUPTIONS IN ATTACHMENT:
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this attachment process.  The loss of biological parents at an early age is a major trauma on their little hearts, whether they are a few weeks or several years old.  Spending time in an orphanage with a rotation of caretakers disrupts the attachment process even further.

RECREATING ATTACHMENT:
Everything around Eden (and Bereket) will be different.  She will begin to learn about her new environment, love, and family.  The best way for Cade and I to form a parent/child bond with Eden (and later, Bereket) is to be the only ones to hold, snuggle, kiss, instruct, soothe, and feed - basically meet her needs for the first few months of them being in our home.  During this time, as a part of the "cocooning" process, Eden will have structure, boundaries, and close proximity to us that is different than our other children.  Please be assured that we are not taking this lightly and each child is different, but part of this is based on education and research.
As we promptly and consistently meet all of their needs in a predictable, secure environment, they will learn that WE are their parents, that the world is a good place, that their needs make sense, and that they can trust us to meet their needs because we love them deeply.  WE are, essentially, recreating the newborn parent / child connection.  After they establish this important bond with us, they will be able to form other meaningful relationships and communicate their emotions, and grow into healthy, well-adjusted children. 

HOW OTHERS CAN HELP:
Please understand that we want nothing more than to have our two newbies hugged, cuddled, and cherished by all of you, but until they have a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be grateful if you would limit your physical contact with them and redirect them to us if you see that they are seeking out food, affection, or comfort.  To share this is hard, because I don't want to seem ungrateful for support and help, but it is necessary.

This may seem a bit overboard to some, but this is too important to get wrong.  Children who fail in establishing a healthy bond with their parents may suffer the rest of their lives with Reactive Attachment Disorder, which causes severe behavioral difficulties into adulthood. 

We are truly thankful for support that we have received in adding to our family through adoption!!  It has been such a journey and still we are not done.  Even after we get them both safely in our home, the true journey will just begin!!  We look forward to our incredible privilege of this journey of a family of EIGHT!!  Thanks.

Pretty in pink girl!  We just got this picture today.  Doesn't she look happy to be coming home?