We have two very special visitors staying with us this week. Our conversations have been so special and beneficial. T. lost her brother at a very young age in an accident and we found ourselves sharing stories and exchanges of our losses. Maybe it seems like talking about things we can't change, hard things like death that would only bring more pain. Not so. I have loved every minute of sharing about our sweet Kohlie and remembering what we went through with her!
It was such a tough time in my life. I remember telling myself that if Kohlie died I would not ever set foot in that hospital again. I feel different now. I see even more how special those nurses and doctors were that gave so much to help Kohlie. The people that we got to know in the Bay Area hold such a special place in my heart because they shared a very difficult time with us. I remember real difficult days that I didn't know how I would make it through them. Endless days of watching my daughter suffer (like after her stem cell transplant) and not knowing how I could bear it another day. Sleepless nights, endless beeping monitors, loud interns on morning rounds, surgeries...!
How do you define difficult?! It defines you. The difficult that I am facing now can define me in a positive way if I let God be my strength and stay. If I let God, the experience can make me stronger, more understanding, stronger in this faith. So often expectations get in the way, even cause us to lose focus. I look back at who I was before Kohlie became ill. I was a very different person. I look at the person I became through that experience! Wow, what a difference!! Sometimes I fear the person I am becoming through this adoption experience... I know the experience has changed me already. I hope and pray that the difficult will fade away and I will be able to look back some day and be thankful for the person I have become, not just for my sake but for my kid's sake and for my husband's sake!
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| A healthy, happy family (12/2005) |
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| only a bit into the start of Kohlie's cancer fight |
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| Major surgery to take out the primary mass. |
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| Recovering after surgery. |
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| Nov . 2006 (after transplant) |
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| Being discharged after more than one month in isolation after the stem cell transplant. |
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| After the cancer came back 2/2008 |
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| New baby Clarabella and Kohlie meet (4/2008) |
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| burying our daughter (7/2008) |
7 comments:
Angela, we don't really know each other, except to say hi at Gospel Meeting. Or at the Goodwill! But your family's experience and your sharing your feelings, has helped me so much. Our son has a brain tumor and we are going through lots of ups and downs. And not knowing days. So thank you. Be encouraged, you are much appreciated.
Laurie Burke
You are amazing and soooo strong. Thank you for sharing again.
The last photo is so powerful...full of emotion! The good days of adversity vs the bad days of prosperity.
Laurie,
Thank you so very much for your comment!! I am so sorry to hear of what you are facing! If i can be any help or encouragment that beings me much satisfaction although you & I both know the One who brings the most help & strength in these situations! I'll be thinking of u & appreciate your comment!!!
I debated on sharig that last one but glad I did! Yea, it's a powerful pict!!
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