Loss for Words

I struggle to know where to start, feeling still very raw with grief upon hearing "the rest of the story" of our daughter's nightmare hellish years in Ethiopia.  Yet, I am aware that even though Eden has told me, "Now, Mom, you know everything..," it is probably NOT everything.  As the floodgates of her memory are wide open, I believe details will still come and yes, I fear it right now.

I am largely comforted in the fact that the only way Eden would be to this place of feeling like she could share these very private and very hard details of her life is due to a very healthy trust that has been built with our family and attachment with us as well!  

Eden was taken to the orphanage on September 30th, 2010.  She was five years old, just a small child.  What Eden faced in her home before that in the absence of her aunt (which was far too often) was something many of us could not even begin to imagine.  The anger I feel today towards Eden's older brothers, approximately ages 12, 18, and 21, has been refueled by Eden's open honesty, soul searching words....!  She wrote a letter to her aunt this weekend that goes much like, "I love you Auntie like I love my Mom and Dad too but I am mad because you left me by myself."  And protect Eden, she did not!

I have also been largely comforted and encouraged by our special meeting on Sunday!  What great timing and I know that God's timing is always not just best, but perfect!  So forward we go.... I realize much of Eden's behaviors is because she has been victimized for such a time and it is hard for her to believe in her self worth.  I feel like, once again, quite a few more of the puzzle pieces have come together! 

Eden and her aunt before she left KVI.