A New Week

Lately, it could be with fear and hesitancy that I face a new week but this week I feel more optimistic somehow and truly that is no small thing.  Many of times I have felt plagued and over-burdened, under appreciated.  I suppose it is a common thing for mothers, but this Momma has been dealing with VERY BIG things..... the pieces of the puzzle continue to fall and I have dealt with huge turmoil and anguish because of it!  

Yes, I am talking of Eden and her past.  She has been through some very tough things that no child should EVER have to see (such as her brother being led to jail in handcuffs at a young age - 12 yrs old?), she was not always protected and taken care of like a small child should.  She was exposed to far more than any child should ever have to, too often she was scared and had no one to comfort her.  Eden's brother (who got into alcohol and drugs) pushed her to do things she didn't want to do, trying to get her to partake of his awful, horrible addictions in life.  Eden's aunt was not there for her very much and left her alone too much in a dark house to fend for herself because Eden's aunt was trying to feed and clothe them!  

However hard and upsetting the pieces to the puzzle are, there is also a deeper sense of understanding and sympathy.  These times of Eden baring her heart and past have led to many bonding moments with tears shared between us.  "Mommy, I wish you would have been there" has been said many times and however much my heart is ripped to pieces because I couldn't protect her then, I tell her, "Eden, Mommy can not change what has happened to you in Ethiopia but I can help you go forward and I can promise to protect you now!"  

School has been hard for Eden in many ways.  First off, she was reminded of when she went to KVI (her orphanage) and school there and there are many hard memories that are there as well.  When she went to KVI is also when Eden lost her aunt, so this triggered huge fears for Eden that she was going to lose me.  I know now, more than ever, that the decision to keep Eden home for her first year was absolutely the BEST thing for her.  She needed the security and protection we offered in our home.  When she is at school, she knows Mommy is not right by her side to protect her and she is afraid she will not be protected again by me, because her aunt did not protect her.  IN TIME she will see and trust can be gained but this girl has been through so much!!  I have also noticed that since she has started school she has become more controlling at home.  So many things are out of her control, it feel to her and so when she comes home she wants Mom's full, undivided top attention and that is just not possible and not real life so this is hard for her.  She also has been more demanding since she started school, but all in all, things are going well!!  (smile)  They can only get better now, right?!!

Eden wearing the dress I made for her!

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 P.S. - I am pretty proud of the dress since it is my first dress ever to sew!!