Expanding Our Borders: It's Hard to Believe

It truly is hard to believe that two years ago we were in Ethiopia getting ready to bring our Little Bear home! We were finally putting an end to the waiting game of the adoption

These pictures were the last pictures we received of Bereket before we saw him again and they were taken in December.

Thankfully, he was positioned by a window and was able to
pull himself up to be able to look out it to see the
outside to the orphanage courtyard.

this was around Christmas time

look at his poor malnutritioned tummy!!

I remember so well how Little Bear was woke up from his nap when we arrived at the orphanage and how startled and unsure he was yet he acted like he remembered us and my heart was filled!! I don't know if I will ever forget that feeling when we got Bereket in the car and we were ready to take him from the orphanage, something I had dreamed about for such a long time and had even been filled with doubts that it would happen! My heart was bursting as I watched his sweet brown eyes survey his unfamiliar surroundings. I will not forget how everything was a joke to this little guy. He thought everything was funny with us. I also know I won't forget how he started testing us right off. We had to teach him what no meant for his own safety. I also know Cade and I both won't ever forget when we were back at our guest house and Cade was holding Little Bear and he bounded up the stairs and took the corner a bit rapidly and Bear was unable to hold himself because he had no upper strength. Cade was quick to react and drop him a bit to catch him and acted as a joke but from that moment we knew we had to treat him as a newborn when holding him and always support his neck.

The day trip to the country side was something I don't think I will forget either. To be away from the loud city was what Cade and I both desired to see but the long, hot and uncomfortable drive I will not forget, not to mention I was worried Bereket would get car sick. That was the first time we saw him slip into his dazed state and realized he was coping with the car ride for fear of it by "going to another place."  Thankfully, he fell asleep and was one hot, sweaty guy against me while I was afraid to moved a muscle, which was all I could control NOT to because of the treacherous ride!  All of my babies were very well toned and sat up well and controlled themselves well so Bereket's heaviness and not being able to hold himself up at all left my arms and back exhausted!

The last trip to the orphanage for the good-bye ceremony was a hard time. I remember Bereket being very unsure of being there again and yet he had a new freedom with us being there (he was able to go wherever he wanted and walk around outside.)  The babies were never allowed out unless it was one at a time, but rarely, because the nannies couldn't handle them all at once! I remember how Little Bear preferred me over Cade and I suppose it was because he was used to female nannies but I had already pegged it to me bonding.

About Ethiopia itself, I still remember the way it smelled when we came out of the airport in Addis Ababa. I can also remember the sounds and how loud it was!!  It's kinda crazy but I miss Ethiopia. It's weird. How can you really miss something you never had? Yet, maybe it is because it really is a part of my children's lives and what molded them and the ones who brought them life but I do miss Ethiopia. I won't forget... EVER... the two very emotional meetings we had on that second trip with Eden's aunt and Little Bear's biological father. What contrast meetings they were. Eden's aunt overwhelmed with sadness and missing her (and I think much more that was unsaid) and then Little Bear's biological father, a picture of overwhelming happiness to know his son will have a better life and be taken care of. It is truly humbling in each situation.....

So often we can look back and feel, "If only I would have known this, if only I would have done things differently, if only..." No, it hasn't been perfect and we have made many mistakes and it has been very stressful but I know, like I have said before, these two were added to our family for a reason. We can't imagine it without them by now and I can wish things differently in some ways, yet I have to remember our responsibility and there is no going back. No situation is perfect and wonderful in adoption. It always means a loss for it to be possible and that means sorrow. I hope the years that follow will be more joy than sorrow though!