We are Family

We are Family
July /2015

Monday, April 25, 2011

THIS DAY KOHLIE WOULD HAVE TURNED 7 YEARS OLD!!

It is the hardest thing to try to imagine that Kohlie would already be 7 years old if she was still with us!!  The weather today completely mirrored my feelings!!  It was stormy, gray, and raining.  This has been a hard day.  WHY?!!  When will I be able to get through Kohlie's birthDAY without it being so sad for me?  I get hard on myself and think I need to toughen up and not even entertain the thoughts of, "what if?"  since Kohlie is NOT with us anymore!  I don't want to be tough and callus, though!  I will be the first to admit, I want to miss her.  I think there would be something wrong if I don't miss her!!  I will say, though, time does help to ease the pain in my heart, even today!! 

I can't help but wonder what our family would be like today with Kohlie in the midst of these kids!!  Would she be thinned out and tall?  Would her hair be a darker brown and curly?!  How long would it be now?  Would she be doting on her younger sister, Clarabella?!  I just want to hear her sweet voice again and to feel her embrace.  You might think, you have four other children to embrace.  I know that.  I also know, though, that they do not replace Kohlie in any way.  The two treasures that we are getting from Ethiopia to bring into our family will in NO way replace Kohlie.  I have learned from my time with grief that I have to allow myself to be sad and remember her.  It is part of the healing process.  I encourage our kids to talk about Kohlie and tell me how they are feeling sad and missing her.  It is good for me.
Tonight we made strawberry shortcake in remembrance of Kohlie.  She loved strawberries in her last year especially.  Kohlie's last birthday cake included strawberries!



    Kohlie -
You could not have been any prouder to meet your new baby sister on your birthday!!
You were such an amazing child!
We have learned so much from you and you still inspire us to be strong, be brave, and fight on!
We will always miss your smile, your sweet voice, your presence...
Words just simply canNOT express how much this momma misses you and still loves you....
and always will!!

6 comments:

Lani said...

I love you. My heart aches for you. And a little for me. Craig and I had a little cry together over your losing dear little Kohlie last night as we were eating our pizza on our date night. You don't need to toughen up. But you know that. Continue to be soft and let God comfort you. And continue to grieve when you need to. I told Craig last night about Kohlie's garden and how the Bleeding Hearts bloom so beautifully every time this time of year. So fitting. Love you, dear cousins. Want to wrap you in big, big hugs and just sob my heart out.

Sarah said...

Blog it out...it feels good and it sure made me remember back to the weekend of her funeral....special time to be out there even though difficult to witness. Thinking of you all....time does help heal a grieving heart and you'll always have your memories.

Kylee said...

Brings back memories....I was just starting chemo at her funeral. I remember the children at her gravesite so clearly.....I was so thankfull that day that I was the one with cancer and not my child. I have no idea how you got through so many days at the hospital and so many treatments with her. She was such a trooper. I hope that you have peace knowing that you did EVERYthing you could to make her better, and gave her all the love she needed to get through it. Thinking of all your family today....love kylee

tjp said...

Precious post and a precious girl. Of course you will always miss her...and wonder...and remember. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Alyssa said...

Oh Ang...thanks for this post. Our thoughts were with you and your family yesterday on Kohlie's birthday. She was SO brave and so very sweet! Love you lots

Marla said...

I know that many have said the most difficult thing to face is losing a child. I can only just imagine. It will be something that you will never forget but may the memories grow sweeter as the time passes.