This time of year my heart and mind are processing impressions from three years ago. Kohlie passed away early on the morning of the 16th of July. The memories that are all too prominent are not easy ones - death and dying of my very beloved child. Not long ago someone said to me, "A mother's worst nightmare." All I know, is that there are still memories that stand out that are like a nightmare, still vivid!
This is the last picture we have of Kohlie, taken a couple of days before she passed away. She was very sure that she wanted to take a nap with Mom and Bella (Bella is in the pict.).
We were getting ready for her funeral.
Left to right: Treva sitting on Stephanie (my cousin who stayed with us after Clarabella was born (April) until after Kohlie passed away), Grandma Gretchen, Cyrus, Katreese sitting on my brother, Tristan's lap.
Tristan holding Clarabella. She was only 2 1/2 months old
Katreese wanting to give Clarabella a kiss.
My sis, Crystal, and Treva.
Dad getting his tie on.
Mom was such a help for me with Clarabella!
This was quite a scene to come upon with all of the people on the hill where Kohlie was to be buried, at the graveside.
One of my very favorite pictures, both the moms!
Following the pallbearers with Kohlie in her casket...
Katreese putting a rose on the casket.
Treva's turn.
Cyrus' turn,
Mom put one on for Bella, and then all the cousins followed...
Thank goodness she slept!
I was so grateful for how our choice people that helped out with the luncheon following the service and graveside service arranged our photos and memorabilia.
Her cancer beads were hanging on her photo as well as on the table!!
The monkey was the first stuffed animal she received at Lucile Packard Hospital.
The little book in front Aunt Val gave Bella after her summer of staying with us when Bella was little. It's called The Train That Could.
It may seem odd to some, but I never want to forget the impressions that were made on my heart on those days of Kohlie dying, her death, and her very special funeral day. Some may think, "How could you say, "Special?!!" It was, believe me. I felt special and honored to be Kohlie's mom, thankful to have her in our lives for 4 years!! She belonged to God first, before she ever came in our lives and so often we forget that our lives are not our own!
11 comments:
Special, very special ... her bookmark remains on our fridge.
I remember these scenes. What a special post! Love the last picture of Kohlie...very sweet. Clarabella will love this picture some day.
This post made start to tear up. Shortly after I think was when I met you. I especially love what you said in the end of your post. So true.
What a neat post Angela, I love your attitude about it. It will be a special picture for Bella, I remember when we met Kohlie at Mtn Ranch right after Bella was born and she was so protective of "her" baby!
OK, lump in my throat, tears in my eyes. So wish I was here at the funeral, we were at Didsbury convention and you were very much in my thoughts. I hadn't seen these pictures before, very special. My Aunty just passed away yesterday the 16th after a long battle of cancer. I get so scared a lump will reoccur on Madelynne... Big hugs to you all today.
Very special post, thank you for sharing. I too love your attitude towards it. It's so true and so comforting.
Lori,
We knew that if Kohlie lived through her cancer that we would always have a fear that her cancer would return, or she wd get a secondary cancer due to so much treatment!! Think of you w/ Madeylyn!! I can understand feeling scared!! Leave it all in God's hands, though, is where the peace lies! LOVE to you and your family!
I so remember the impressions made at little Kohilies funeral and have her sweet bookmark in my hymnbook always. Death is never an easy experience but it can be an enriching one and love you sharing your feelings here.
Deep impressions made for me that day. As I scrolled down through those pictures and relived some very vivid, painful yet rich memories, the tears started to flow. My throat and heart ache all over again. I think of Kohlie often, because of her being the same age as Kekoa. Hugs to you as you face another year of her being gone. I take comfort knowing God holds you close. Love you.
Lani,
I was really glad that people did take pictures, because the day was such a blur of emotions! I was thiking of how glad I was for those of you (esp. family) that spent time at our house for the funeral!! It made it all the more special to have you there with us!
Thank you so much for sharing this.
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