Bittersweet Sixteenth Birthday

It was sixteen years ago when my firstborn, Cyrus Wayne Crawford, entered this world that I became a mother.  So, due to Cyrus' birthday today and Mothers Day, on Sunday, you can kinda guess where my thoughts are directed today.  Also, I am noticing how much I reflect these days.  Does that mean I am getting old?!  You know how older people spend so much time telling stories of when they were younger (reflecting)?!  Yep, I guess I am getting old.

Which leads me to my next point.  It is bittersweet.  I have spent some time today looking through Cyrus' baby pictures and while I know what it is to lose a child and not be able to watch Kohlie grow up, it is still bittersweet when they hit monumental birthdays as their 16th birthday, especially, because to me it means only a couple more years at home!!  Don't think I am the type to want to keep them home after they graduate from high school, though.  When it is time to leave the nest, it is time...!  Nothing I can do about that and there for sure is nothing I can do about slowing time either.  So, I chose rather, today, to focus mostly on the fine young man ("gasp") my son is becoming.  After all, he is taller than me now!  

Yet, I just love reflecting even if it is bittersweet.  Those baby years are over for me.  It's sad.  I loved being a Mother to newborns, I loved carrying them in my belly, nursing them!!!  Ahh, don't think I have forgotten the many sleepless nights and the challenges but they do fade as you grow older and other challenges arise in parenting teenagers!!  I feel my phase in life shifting and it's.... weird...but nonetheless.... normal!

Since Sunday I have thought of how thankless our job can be as mothers.  While it is definitely not something worth focusing on, it just is true especially when our children our younger and they JUST.EXPECT. that their needs will be met.  They trust that, which is something I appreciate more now that we have adopted two kids that don't fully trust that their needs will always be met.  Yet, there is nothing like unexpected thankfulness from your children (times when they know I am not expecting a thanks)!  

Not too long ago, after a weekend of running around with Treva in Redding for a AAU basketball tournament, I found a very sweet note from Treva on my night stand.  She understood that there was sacrifice on my part (and Cade's part as well with expense).  Cyrus is now old enough that he gets up on his own, sometimes gets breakfast on his own, and makes his school lunch on his own, so when I make breakfast or a sandwhich for him he almost always is thankful.  Without him having to do it on his own, he would not be as thankful.  

Ahhh, motherhood!  It is the most challenging, hardest, most important and most priceless job in the world yet it reaps the greatest rewards!!

Cyrus, I am so very proud of the young man you are growing into.  I see how the experiences you have been through have shaped you into a sensitive, caring person.  I am so glad that you have remained YOU through high school and you are not persuaded by others around you!  I am amazed at your dedication to getting good grades through school without ANY persuasion from your mom and dad!  You do it for your self and you should feel proud!  I sure do!  I am glad to have you as my son!

Nov / 2012

16 years ago

6 months - one of my favorite picts ever!

Cyrus and his cousin, Ira, were born one week a part!

when it was just we 3!

My Mothers Day card hand picked by my hubs!

P.S. - Is anyone else having problems viewing my blog?!  I would be curious to know as well!  Thanks!