EDEN

We have sought out specialized, professional help in the past while and what we have found out already is helpful, yet hard to come to grips with.  Our daughter, Eden, does have RAD (reactive attachment disorder.)  This we know.  There is still much we don't know but we are seeking help in order to help Eden heal.

First off, let me remind you what an attachment disorder is.  "Attachment Disorder is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships.  They often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others.  They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust.  They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue.  This damage is from being physically or emotionally separated from one primary caretaker during the first three years of life.  If a child is not attached - does not for a loving bod with the mother - he does not develop an attachment to the rest of mankind.  The unattached child literally does not have a stake in humanity.  They do not think and feel like a normal person."  This is from the book When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy L. Thomas.  

Nancy goes on to write that "At the core of the unattached is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger.  This rage is suppressed in their psyche.  Now we all have some degree of rage, but the rage of psychopaths is that born of unfulfilled needs as infants.  Incomprehensible pain is forever locked in their souls because of abandonment they felt as infants.  There is inability to love or feel guilty.  There is no conscience.  Their inability to enter into any relationship makes treatment or even education impossible."  

We are in the thick of it with Eden....  We love her but like an excerpt from the movie "The Child of Rage" I always felt like that mother.  I WANT to love this child like my own but I can't!!  This Wednesday we head to San Francisco area to a clinic that does full testing of the functioning of the brain.  It is quite extensive and is a three day testing.  We hope it will shed light on any other dark areas in Eden's brain that is holding her back and making learning difficult.  We want to be aware of everything / anything she is dealing with in order to help her heal and move forward.  

Please know this is one of the hardest posts to write.....  It can so often feel like failure at the point but it was a good reminder that these children are UNABLE to form a true attachment, even though we have truly done our best.  Hard days lay ahead we know without a doubt but then, God never promised us it would be easy.

Cleaning out Eden's room

Another wall hanging I have to take down for now...

   If you want to know more of what RAD looks like, there are many resources.  A good start is the book I referred to written by Nancy L. Thomas. I decided to add this because it is a very good visual!